Tuesday, December 1, 2009
In Count: 3 Days.
Let me be more straight forward about this because hiding emotions and feelings isn't the way to go. I'm unhappy. It's not the first time. I'm not provided with enough financial aid and it kills to take out loans. I don't have money to spend on anything. I don't want to burden my parents. It scares me to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life and everyone tells me that I still have time, but I'm still scared. I feel like being here is pointless. I can't motivate myself. I waste the days away doing random stuff on my laptop. I wish I was motivated to focus more on school stuff. I'm loud and I'm too serious. I can't just relax. I am overly jealous and it tears me apart. I think to seriously about relationships. I can't bear the thought of seeing someone leave me when it has already happened to me before. I'm unhappy with my life. Counting the days of being unhappy.
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Adrian tells me that if you think negatively about something, it'll happen. Do you know about fulfilling self-prophecies? Your mind is in the state where you think everything will go wrong, so your actions reflect it and lead you towards it. Trying to not dwell on the negatives could help, but of course... everything is easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was like depressed in 9th/10th grade, I used to keep count of how many days I could stay happy. Heh... Funny to find that you're doing something similiar.
And the term is "self-fulfilling prophecies." Oops. =X
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